did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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