took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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