I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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