I wish I could punch you in the face.
Is it because I queefed?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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