im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
