She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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