Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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