You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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