i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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