I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
