I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
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We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
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You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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