just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I wear drunk well.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
