My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
In America we eat man semen.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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