I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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