You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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