This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
