uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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