wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
