yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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