Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I can't put those talents on a resume
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
