Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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