so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
