He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
