i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
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i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
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It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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