Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
