I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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