I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
