This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
