My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
