Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
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You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize