he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
