Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
