So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize
