he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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