don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
