Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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