I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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