The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
