I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
