Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
