I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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