He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
