I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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