just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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