I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
