i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
