I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize