he puts the penis in happiness.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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