I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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