Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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