Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
