Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize