my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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