Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
