she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
