so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
