My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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