i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
