There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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