If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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