i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
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you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
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If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.