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• (810): View more from Michigan

  dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'

  (810): View more from Michigan

  needless to say i wont be back home tonight

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.

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• (619): View more from California

  It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.

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• (514): View more from Quebec

  I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.

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  19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...

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• (714): View more from California

  I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?

  (949): View more from California

  Midgetier?

  (714): View more from California

  Smaller, yet meaner.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...

  (512): View more from Texas

  Cross faded me is not the classiest.

  (817): View more from Texas

  No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that

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• (325): View more from Texas

  Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.

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