Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo