when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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