I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
