I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
