Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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