That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
